Believing in a Haunted House

The fear is always nameless
I'm not sure I'd name it if I could
Like a serpent coiled in my gut
I open my mouth in soundless screams.

Fists clenched, eyes squeezed shut,
I'm prostrate on this sitting couch
Crying: "Father, hear the words I cannot say,"
"Father, know me and that I am not enough."

But somewhere, soft as butterfly wings
I can hear a silent song begin to sing
Somewhere where only divine dwells
Lies a glory that even I cannot tell.

Teeth gritted, my face a grimace
Know how afraid I am yet to be alone.
Crying: "Oh, Father, I need Your help."
Crying: "Father, I am not enough."

But, Father, the night creatures come biting
With wordless whispers of their own.
They lie about me, encircling me, waiting
I can see their eyes gleaming
I can hear my heart beating.

Waiting for me to fall,
Waiting for me to step into the unknown,
Waiting for me to fall.

I squeeze shut my eyes again
I can see a glory in my mind's eye,
"Oh, Father, help."

The Business of Doing

The business of doing
Is a pretty business indeed;
The business of wanting,
Of pursuing a need.

For in a business so mindless
Your Spirit can come creeping, seeping in.
Elsewhere I begin to find less
If I get busy thinking again.

Hungry

Living in a world of black and white.
I’ve given up my hunger for the night.
I’ve laid to rest my wondering and wandering,
The muddled, befuddled strain of pondering.
I’ve come to rest against my laurels,
For, Father God, You know I’m mortal,
And one certainty is that I know it, too.
God, I hope I’m not supposed to figure out
What this thing called life should be about.
Because, frankly, God, even now I wish I knew.

Give me a knowing of Your love,
Put this in my heart like a rock.
Give surety to a seeker of above;
Grant release to laboring thought.

Fill up my world with sure realities,
Fill up my rainbow with brilliant hues.
Fill my imaginings till You’re all I see,
A sanctum of sensations gloriously true.

Age Is Relative

They keep telling me I am not young;
Though my meter's childish, simple, dumb.

And despite my rhyming scheme being equally laughable
The impression is impressive. Ancient. It's incredibly baffable.

I'm not partial to the parts I keep performing onstage:
A young man's father. A guy creeping into old age.

Yet here am I, eyes wide, fingers still open and grasping
For something to cling to. Life is still leaving me gasping.

So! Yesterday I decided to relinquish a thousand hidden fears,
To shout and step out and shave off Bob Cratchit's beard.

For old age is ever relative: uncle, aunt, father, mum;
Such a distant relation, for today I am young.

Decidedly a Believer

I've decided to call my blog a blog
And decided to call my heart all Yours.
I've decided deciding is rubbish and nonsense
After deciding to keep my heart open. Plus pure.

I've decided a decider for deciding was needed
After decidedly deciding God's decisions were moot.
After decisions You decided decided my derailment,
I decided I was destined for the debunking the truth.

But that was before, and this is definitely now.
Decidedly. Re assuredly. Definitely. Yes.
'Cause my decider's decisions were destructive. And how.
So I decided indecision was better. I guess?

In other words, I decided believing Your decisions
Were made for my better and not for, you know, my worse,
So I'll be leaving deciding for believing and more:
Plus receiving. And peace. Plus loving. Throw in mirth.

Or Joy. Whatever the technical word for that is--
I haven't decided. Just whatever term fits--
I'll go back to looking up instead of the other way;
So cheer up, it'll clear up; just enjoy the day.

Monsters

God, if You want to know the truth:

I thought I could do it on my own.
Thought I could figure the unknown.

Now: like a child, who understands
Monsters do lay in wait under his bed,
I have become a frightened man
Who can't seem to get out of his head.

God, if You want to know the truth:
So do I.

Waiting

It's You.
Before everything else.
Before the yearnings of myself
Comes You.

You.
You guide and move the shapes of my life.
You have always been worth the price.
Because I know You're value,
Because I know You're worth--
Like rainbow in the heavens;
Like a cry of a new birth;
--Is beyond:

I will wait with heart fast beating,
I will stay my restless heart.

To wait for You.